i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
