new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
