I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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