i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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