I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
