Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
