Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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