You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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