I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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