I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
