Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
