my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
