my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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