every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
