I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
