Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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