I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
