Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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