Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
