I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
