I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize