wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
