there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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