I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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