What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
