hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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