Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
