Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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