Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
