I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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