Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
