So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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