I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
