my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
