I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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