Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
