Cold hands, warm shart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
