I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
