Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
