Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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