He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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