I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
