I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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