I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
