You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
