I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
