cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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