the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
