I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
