I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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