awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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