apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
