nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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