Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
