on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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