A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
