I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
