what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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