i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
