Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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